By Forgiveness is the sword to conquer the enemy within.
— Shrimad Rajchandraji
Human beings are averse to limitations. We try to break free from anything that binds us, mentally or physically. Our history is ripe with monumental feats that are examples of this innate quality – wars for independence, scientific discoveries and inventions, exploration of outer space, world records that are broken within decades, if not years – man has always been on a never-ending mission to expand beyond all boundaries and limits. In our own lives, we can see glimpses of this in our pursuit for “more” – more knowledge, more prosperity, and more harmony in relationships.
What most of us fail to realize is that we need to mirror this external pursuit in our inner world too, a world where our own vices hold us back from the limitless expansion that the soul seeks. But if there is one vice that cripples us more than any other, it is resentment. Resentment can be directed towards others in the form of anger and hatred, or towards ourselves in the form of guilt and shame for our own faults and errors. In either form, it acts as a prison for the soul.
Forgiveness – The Key to Freedom And Growth
Forgiveness is the only key that can set us free. In lesson no. 43 of Mokshmala, Shrimadji has labeled forgiveness (Kshama) as Anupam – meaning that it is a matchless quality, an ace in the deck of all possible virtues, a magic pill that heals seemingly incurable hurt and irredeemable relationships, and an inner weapon that sets us on the path to greatness. It is no coincidence that forgiveness was championed by two of the greatest leaders of the 20th century – Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi. Despite being humiliated with inhumane treatment for 27 years in prison, Nelson Mandela chose to forgive his oppressors. He famously said, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” Mahatma Gandhi also chose to forgive General Reginald Dyer, the perpetrator of the Jallianwala Bagh massacre.
Why is it better to seek or grant forgiveness than to live with guilt or resentment? Imagine running on a steep inclined slope to reach the top of a mountain. Sounds difficult, doesn’t it? Now imagine doing so with heavy weights tied to both your feet, while carrying a bag loaded with stones on our shoulders. That is exactly what we try to do when we set out to achieve any goal – material or spiritual – with guilt or resentment in our hearts. Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela were men who had taken up the herculean task of building a better future for their respective nations. They knew that achieving their ambitious goals would be next to impossible if they carried the baggage of hate and vengeance within.
The Rules of Forgiveness
Almost every religion regards forgiveness as a divine quality, and has dedicated days for seekers to practice it – Yom Kippur (‘Day of Atonement’) in Judaism, Shab-e-Barat (‘Night of Forgiveness’) in Islam, Samvatsari in Jainism etc. Yet, like many other rituals and practices, forgiveness can also become a mechanical act, driven by greed or fear. To discover the real treasure of this virtue, and truly experience the resulting joy and peace, Sri Guru has shared four rules that we must always remember:
1. Introspect and realize your own mistake
In any situation of conflict between two people, the fault seldom lies with just one person. Forgiveness always begins by introspecting and realizing your own mistakes, irrespective of how severely the other person has wronged you.
2. Accept any reaction
Forgiveness should not be sought or granted with the expectation of a certain reaction. The other person might reject your apology. Or, if you are the one forgiving them, they might not feel any repentance, or worse, repeat the same act again. If you decide to “withdraw” your forgiveness on receiving these negative reactions, then you never had it in the first place. Forgiveness is an inner act – you are letting go of your own baggage. Others’ reactions should have little, if any, impact on it.
3. Don’t try to trick the Law of Karma
Often, our “forgiveness” carries the subtext that we are delegating our bitterness to the Law of Karma – why should we punish the offender when Karma will eventually take care of it, right? This is NOT forgiveness, but simply passive resentment. Similarly, seeking forgiveness out of the fear of Karmic repercussion is also futile. Do you think the Law of Karma is stupid? It is a Divine Law – it knows about all your thoughts and feelings, even the ones that you try to hide in the deepest crevices of your heart.
4. Be compassionate, not indifferent
True forgiveness comes from a sense of compassion, not indifference. If you are filled with compassion and thoughts of well-being for the person who has wronged you, then congratulations! You have truly forgiven them. But if you want to “forgive” only so that you can “forget” all about them and the hurt they caused you, then you are back to square one. Let’s start with Rule #1, again.
Yogic Meditation for Forgiveness
We have become accustomed to believe that it is natural to hold a grudge when someone hurts us. That it is natural to fight fire with fire, hatred with hatred, pain with even more pain. But that’s only because we confuse “normal” with “natural”. Just because something has become the norm in society, doesn’t make it natural. Forgiveness is in your very nature. What else can explain the lightness and joy you feel after reconciling with a friend or a relative after a long-standing conflict? Consider yourself blessed if you have ever felt that joy.
But not everyone gets that opportunity. Moreover, knowingly or unknowingly, we have all committed hurtful acts that we can no longer recall. We have all caused immense pain to someone by saying things (verbally or mentally) that we did not even consider as being harmful. Since forgiveness is an internal phenomenon, the Divine Law allows us to atone for our errors, even when we’re not in direct contact with the person who was at the receiving end. And this process can be accelerated tremendously through Yogic meditation techniques. Every year during Paryushan Parv, SRM conducts Kshamapana Mahaparv, an event where Sri Guru guides hundreds of seekers through an intense meditative experience, and helps them release past grudges and baggage of hurt, guilt, and shame.
Forgiveness is Love
As you continue to sprinkle your acts of forgiveness with the four rules, you enter into higher energy zones. Here, forgiveness starts turning into something else – Love. Lord Mahavira did not have to forgive the cowherd who pierced wild thorns into His ears. Lord Buddha did not have to forgive the man who spat on his face. Lord Jesus did not have to forgive the people who crucified Him. They had all reached the purest state of Love. Love is the final destination of the limitless expansion that the Soul seeks. And even though forgiveness requires tons and tons of patience, it is the only road that leads there.
